( SANDYMAN )
So what d’yer think of my new house
I built it on my own
Didn’t take too long, I was surprised
It is a right show home
Not much time and not much effort
To construct my precious pad
Didn’t cost much either – definitely the….
…best pad I ever had
You can see the quality in this place
It is an absolute corker
Saved so much I’m flying off….
….for two weeks in Majorca
I’ve called my new house Sandybanks
There’s a bit of it around
But I don’t care cos nothing will
Disturb my piece of land
( ROCKMAN )
Excuse me there, I overheard
You’ve got me worried, shaken, stirred
I thought you used the strangest word
D’you live upon a sandbank ?
I’ve seen all of the dangers there
Some act as if they just don’t care
Bad weather comes – they end up where….
….the sun don’t shine – d’yer geddit ?
Who d’yer think you are now George ?
Rabbitin’ on and on
I don’t know who or what you are….
….but keep your nose out son
Alright, no problem, all I’ll say….
….is I’ve lived here for many a day
And I’ve seen people float away….
….cos they got no foundation
Oh really, how riveting,
Look here Tom, sling your hook
Go off and do good somewhere else
Don’t treat me like a crook
I’m trying to help and being polite
And pointing out something’s not right
How can you really sleep at night
Upon your sandybank ?
After lots of contemplation
I knew I needed deep foundation
And proper drains for irrigation
And a solid substructure
Don’t give me all that rubbish Pete
What are you trying to say ?
Don’t come blinding me with science
Cos I’ll look the other way !
I don’t worry like you do mate
I know I’ve done enough
You think you’re smart – trying to impress….
….with all this technical stuff
My Sandybanks has got a view
Many would only dream
Trees and fields and animals….
….and fishes in the stream
I’m trying to pass on good advice
But you just seem to roll the dice
I’m trying hard to be so nice
And share some thoughts with you
I tell you, when I built my house
I simply used a little nous
I never acted like a louse
Cos I want to be safe
My home stands firm upon a rock
To withstand any wind or knock….
….or earthquake with a mighty shock….
….or angry storms that blow
Well okay Brian, so now we know….
….that you like spending money
Think your gaff is better than mine
I think you are so funny
Rock or sand, it just don’t matter
We hardly get much rain
So you stay in your ivory tower
And don’t be such a pain
So cobblers Clive, you’re out of pocket
With spending all that cash
Thank goodness I am different cos….
….tonight I’m on the lash
( SANDYMAN PAUSES AND LOOKS UP )
Have you seen the colour of the sky ?
I swear I felt a spot
Can’t be rain cos – my life it is !
But if it is, so what ?
I’m off to have a bevy now
I’ll just get my umbrella
My local is the Sailor’s Arms
Here is one thirsty fella
It’s coming down quite steady now
Doesn’t normally in these parts
Still, nothing tonight will stop me….
….having my usual game of darts
(Rockman begins to sing….’the wise man built his house upon the rock’)
Thunder, lightning, whatever next
I’ve also got the wind….
….a – roaring through my garden taking….
….the washing that I got pinned….
….upon my line, oh there they go
My undies and my shirts
Well mother nature’s hitting me….
….exactly where it hurts
What’s this, hang on, my feet are wet
It’s coming through the door
Oh no, I’ve got this load of sand….
….a – covering the floor
( SHOUTS )
Where’s me mate ? Oi Rocky Trev
I’m in a bit of trouble
This thunder storm has taken over
Can you get here on the double ?
Can you hear me please, oi !, what’s yer name
I feel ‘bit of a noodle
It’s raining cats and dogs in here
I just stepped in a poodle
You were a tiny bit correct
I needed something stronger
I ain’t got no foundations
I couldn’t have been much wronger
It’s your last chance, to help me now
Yer listening ?……………….
( SANDYMAN SHOUTS LOUDER, GETS LOWER, THEN DISAPPEARS )
©2011 John Sterry