This Steven was digging his garden one day

He worked up a thirst

So he turned round to say….

….to his lovely wife there

‘Please make us a brew

My throat’s like a drain

And I’m starving too’


Well Madam obliged with a cup and a cake

Time to re – fuel

So they both took a break

Looked at the big job

That had to be done

Waiting for them in….

….the afternoon sun


This new house they bought in Evesham no less

Was very nice thank you

Quite posh an address

But the previous owners

Out at the rear

Left things unattended

For many a year


Fruit trees and hedges, climbers and shrubs

Diseased with greenfly

Snails, moles and grubs

They had to be cut back

Giving them room

A new chance to flourish

A new chance to bloom


So Madam and Steve in their Garden in Evesham

Dug most of the borders

But decided to leave some….

….for another day

When it wasn’t so hot….

….to be slaving away

Upon their green plot


But one thing did bother our horticultural two

In centre of lawn

Dominating the view

Stood proudly and tall

An applesome tree

Declaring its fruit

For mankind to see


But our couple remembered when they bought the home

Estate agent said

‘Leave that tree alone

Best that you chop it

Ignore all the fruit

The apples are poisonous

And that is the truth’


Wife said to hubby, with shears in her hand

‘Tis a shame to get rid

Those apples look grand

Deep green and shiny

How can they be bad

That bloke who showed us

Has gotta be mad’


Steve said ‘now Madam, we’ve just had a cake

Forget about this tree

That you’re dying to shake

Forget bout the Granny Smiths

Which would hit the grass

We’ve been warned off

So just let it pass’


The wife mumbled on and returned to the hedge

‘Look here now Stevie

I’ll make a pledge

I know we’ve been warned

But let’s just have one

Split it in half

And that will be done


Curiosity has got the better of me

They are on our land

So let’s make one free’

‘Oh I still don’t know’

Said Stevie with caution

‘I am not convinced

That I need a portion’


‘Oh come on,’ said Madam, ‘it will be okay

Let’s make one part….

…. of our five a day

Go get your ladders

Then find a long stick

Reach up and stretch

Then we’ll have a pick’


So Steve did the business just as he was told

Stalked this one apple

As if it were gold

Brought it on down with….

….a thump on his head

Just like Isaac Newton

His face went all red


The wife picked it up and wiped it all nice

Sank in her teeth

Bit once and then twice

Passed it to Stevie

He had a gobble

So there in their garden

They both had a chobble


Madam and Steve stood a – crunching with smile….

….in the shade of their tree

But after a while

She cried ‘look at this fruit

You see what we’ve ate

Wriggling grubs

And hungry I bet


Some are in our stomachs, a – wriggling there

They’re boogiein around like….

….they ain’t got a care

I tell yer now Stevie

I’m feeling a pain

I feel these feet tapping

Again and again


Steve fell to the ground, whilst holding his gut

Wishin that Madam….

….had kept her mouth shut

He wished that the apple

Still hung on the tree

And that grubs were not….

….dancing, internally


So what’s the conclusion we draw from this tale

They both ended up

Quite poorly and pale

The truth was spelt out

So simple and clear

Those apples that hang

Do not go near


It was not the apple, upon the tree

That caused all the trouble

Now you believe me

We’ve just heard the story

The truth we have found

It was the pair who….

….were down on the ground


© John Sterry 2011