This Steven was digging his garden one day
He worked up a thirst
So he turned round to say….
….to his lovely wife there
‘Please make us a brew
My throat’s like a drain
And I’m starving too’
Well Madam obliged with a cup and a cake
Time to re – fuel
So they both took a break
Looked at the big job
That had to be done
Waiting for them in….
….the afternoon sun
This new house they bought in Evesham no less
Was very nice thank you
Quite posh an address
But the previous owners
Out at the rear
Left things unattended
For many a year
Fruit trees and hedges, climbers and shrubs
Diseased with greenfly
Snails, moles and grubs
They had to be cut back
Giving them room
A new chance to flourish
A new chance to bloom
So Madam and Steve in their Garden in Evesham
Dug most of the borders
But decided to leave some….
….for another day
When it wasn’t so hot….
….to be slaving away
Upon their green plot
But one thing did bother our horticultural two
In centre of lawn
Dominating the view
Stood proudly and tall
An applesome tree
Declaring its fruit
For mankind to see
But our couple remembered when they bought the home
Estate agent said
‘Leave that tree alone
Best that you chop it
Ignore all the fruit
The apples are poisonous
And that is the truth’
Wife said to hubby, with shears in her hand
‘Tis a shame to get rid
Those apples look grand
Deep green and shiny
How can they be bad
That bloke who showed us
Has gotta be mad’
Steve said ‘now Madam, we’ve just had a cake
Forget about this tree
That you’re dying to shake
Forget bout the Granny Smiths
Which would hit the grass
We’ve been warned off
So just let it pass’
The wife mumbled on and returned to the hedge
‘Look here now Stevie
I’ll make a pledge
I know we’ve been warned
But let’s just have one
Split it in half
And that will be done
Curiosity has got the better of me
They are on our land
So let’s make one free’
‘Oh I still don’t know’
Said Stevie with caution
‘I am not convinced
That I need a portion’
‘Oh come on,’ said Madam, ‘it will be okay
Let’s make one part….
…. of our five a day
Go get your ladders
Then find a long stick
Reach up and stretch
Then we’ll have a pick’
So Steve did the business just as he was told
Stalked this one apple
As if it were gold
Brought it on down with….
….a thump on his head
Just like Isaac Newton
His face went all red
The wife picked it up and wiped it all nice
Sank in her teeth
Bit once and then twice
Passed it to Stevie
He had a gobble
So there in their garden
They both had a chobble
Madam and Steve stood a – crunching with smile….
….in the shade of their tree
But after a while
She cried ‘look at this fruit
You see what we’ve ate
Wriggling grubs
And hungry I bet
Some are in our stomachs, a – wriggling there
They’re boogiein around like….
….they ain’t got a care
I tell yer now Stevie
I’m feeling a pain
I feel these feet tapping
Again and again
Steve fell to the ground, whilst holding his gut
Wishin that Madam….
….had kept her mouth shut
He wished that the apple
Still hung on the tree
And that grubs were not….
….dancing, internally
So what’s the conclusion we draw from this tale
They both ended up
Quite poorly and pale
The truth was spelt out
So simple and clear
Those apples that hang
Do not go near
It was not the apple, upon the tree
That caused all the trouble
Now you believe me
We’ve just heard the story
The truth we have found
It was the pair who….
….were down on the ground
© John Sterry 2011